Let the MADwoman Out with heART!

Why are some emotions BAD? Unspeakable? Offensive? Lethal?

Yes, lethal!  If I hadn't released the MAD woman Screaming Herself Blue in the Face, surely I'd have died as she did. I'd never seen or heard her before ~ until she emerged with pastels on gritty sanded paper that night in my studio.

I never paint after dinner, I am a morning person. One July evening in 2004, I went back to the studio to finish a demonstration painting I'd begun during an online class. The assignment: 'paint something that will help you with your life and work.' I had begun letting the colors out. Scribbling an oval shape, layering warm and cool hues, letting emotions guide my hand.

Catching her gaze mirroring back at me, I felt her pain. Surprised by the array of vibrant colors in her dark hiding place, I felt compassion for the soul lost in darkess. With a long sigh of relief, I laid her to rest in my archives.

Daring not to look at her again for fear of her pain. I never imagined she would have more to say in this lifetime.

Yesterday I received a message that someone was returning a painting. My heart sank. I felt betrayed. I wanted to quit. I'd quit painting before, tried to deny the creative within. I'd denied my hand in partnership with the source of healing, which put me in touch with Screaming Herself Blue in the Face. 

Screaming MADwoman Butterfly

Still wanting to quit, I picked up the paint brush. Simultaneous emotions hand and heart together, a dichotomy it would seem. The tension is palpable as I scrub into yesterdays sticky impasto brush marks. I paint out marks I'd fallen in love with. Covered a lovely green meadow with flaming orange, and lit the sky on fire. 

The canvas is one I've painted several times before ~ so heavy now with its latest iteration, I daresay she'll not bear more fruit in this lifetime. Through each transformation, I've come to accept my metamorphic art process.

Owning metamorphosis changes everything.

No longer wasting away in the dark, thinking I must fix the painting, repair the broken heart ~ I release the MAD woman to update the mirror of her colorful soul as it heals.

Sunrise on a Beautiful New Day

Looking back now at my brushstrokes as breadcrumbs, I see her emerging! Tracing her backwards, we see her colors ebbing and flowing, reaching for the sky, grounding her mark on earth. 

Cloud Dreams

Out of those lavender blue dreams, she stands up tall. First as a pastel study, then life size oil painting. 

Standing Tall

Other paintings have gifted me glimpses of the past life led by Screaming Herself Blue in the Face. In another article, I'll share the paintings that introduced me to Patsy Mae, domestic slave from Tenessee in the 1860s, locked in a shed and burned to death when the fields caught fire.

From Patsy Mae I acquired the gift of tasting the colors. Thank you Patsy Mae for sharing your LIght with  me.

Sundown Ablaze

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Emotional colors heal by sending waves of light through the chakras. Earth chakras in the lower portion of the body connect intuition and spirit through the heart. Mixing colors in the mind's eye as you view artwork engages your mind body spirit in this healing art practice.  

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